Stream of Consciousness

So I have two blogs.

On my Chinese blog, I tend to write things that are provoking and such, in Chinese. But the English one has turned into a picture blog without any thoughts. People who read this blog may think my life is nothing but fun, which is not true. But somehow when I blog here, my happy side shines through and I tend to forget the worries in my life.

It's not like I'm short of things to worry about. I worry about whether John can pass the FSO test in October; I worry about when we could afford a baby; I worry about whether I can make enough money to keep us from debt; I worry about my parents worrying about me; I worry about my brother's safty on his mission; I worry about whether I'm doing a good job being a wife; I worry about getting fat and having no motivation to lose weight...

I know Heavenly Father promises us if we're good, we need not worry. But what is being good? Am I good enough to claim this promise? Should I be better? How can I be better?

I'm grateful John's not so much a worrier. He can usually brighten my day and make me laugh when I wanna cry.

I don't know why I only blog happy things on this blog. Maybe it's because everyone who reads this blog has such a happy life that I wanna be just like them. Maybe it's because I feel closer to my Chinese friends and don't mind crying in front of them. Maybe it's because most of my Chinese friends have so much pressure from life that I don't want them to think my life is better than theirs. Maybe my English is not good enough to produce a provoking piece... who knows?

I sometimes feel I have two personalities: the serious Chinese me, and the relaxed American me. Which one is the true me? I have no idea. I think it depends on the day and the mood :-) And right now I'm not too cheerful :-( But in a minute, I may forget about all the worries and cook up a storm :-)

So this has totally turned into a Stream of Consciousness piece. Sorry you have to read this :-(